Calvary Hill

A word about the songs...

Deep, deep, deep in my heart I know that there is divinity. As I child I had the instinct for it, but not the understanding, and so what organically developed was an unstoppable impulse to uncover the understanding that could match my faith. Understanding and faith are destined to find each other, like long lost lovers; they are destined to meet and marry. So the power and persuasion of this alchemical romance becomes a Grail adventure. Little by little, I am migrating from the earth to the sky… from the seen to the unseen world… from the physical world to the spiritual. As I understand my feeling for God, I become my feeling. I am in constant communion.

I made a vow… to never give up on this search. I am compelled to find my mystery lover (the truth about God), no matter what. Even if I lose everything… my possessions, attachments, narratives, sanity and even my incarnation. She is the divinity whom I know is calling me home in my heart. She whispers messages of love, faith and hope all the time, and blows me tender kisses of support. She plants regular little sign-post messages left in a trail of synchronicities all along the dusty path. As I get ever closer, I hear her song. She is virtue, and my love for her inevitably fosters humility, gratitude, undying faith, grace and divine inspiration.

Counter-forces are also very active, however; forces who are opposed to my/our spiritualisation, and wish me to lose my connection to the spirit world forever, and stay mired in the material realm where they can feed off me. And these forces are deadly. They are the deadly sins. They gain entry through the forms of Godless science, doubt, fear, security, mechanistic thinking, temptation and illusion.

My inner Grail journey begets my outer journey, and ten years ago this outer journey took me to the ancient kingdom of Hungary. A shepherdess came for me in the form of a muse, and I followed her… then she vanished! There is a Hungarian founding-fathers myth… ‘The Wonderdeer’… in which two princes pursue a magical deer into the forest, only for her to disappear. They became lost until one of them realised that far from being lost, they were actually home. And so Hungary was born. This is what I also feel is happening to me! My ‘Wonderdeer’ vanished, but not until I had found kindred spirits also pursuing this unique Grail path; fellow knights and angels of faith and understanding

The spiritual world is the magical world. It is the only reality, and everything else is illusion. In the material world amongst all the miracles of creation there exists also loss, transience, mortality, illness, fear, combat, competition, function, distraction, deceit and disappointment… many, many formidable serpents and dragons. In the spiritual world there is only goodness, beauty and truth, and these together constitute love and immortality. It ultimately comes down to a question of perception and choice. The magical world of love just IS… the question then arises as to whether we have sufficient faith to offer our whole heart to that, for if we do it will come to meet us.

In that place reality is painted in love. The Budapest that I know is a city painted in love. She takes the form of the being of the Virgin Mary, of Sophia, and it is through her grace that the Christ child is birthed in my heart… and this is the divinity that I knew of instinctively as a child. Hungary contains spiritual beings who give me the understanding that matches my faith, spiritual beings and human emanations from those beings. Faith and understanding are intertwined inner lovers… through them I believe in order to know, and I know in order to believe. In Budapest, seemingly every moment, no matter how mundane or domestic, contains spiritual revelation for me; I experience endless chance meetings and moments, moments that provide more clues as to the unseen world, and how to recognise it in the ordinary, seen, materialistic world.

There is a secret knowledge in Hungary, the protecter of the Grail in Europe… the guardian of the Christ child who returns to humanity through the ether. The crown of Hungary with it’s crooked little cross (gained as it was hurled to the ground by heathens) lies in parliament, and counter-forces of darkness are forever trying to steal it. But the Grail itself… the Grail lies under the Buda hills.

And so it came to be that I lived in the Buda hills, and discovered Kálvária-hegy (Calvary hill) opposite my bedroom window. Now there are many ‘Calvary hills’ all over Europe, the America’s and Australasia, but this one has a particular power that drew me in. It looks over the village of Solymár, just outside the city limits, where my shape-shifting muse and many of my fellow Grail knights and angels live. Up there I feel a coherence, clarity and rare inspiration which brings song after song, all spiritually inspired. Somehow the earth and the sky conjure up a portal of revelation. I feel the presence of angels, as the millions of Knight butterflies flit and flutter, and the unseen world becomes startlingly visible, as if in a spell. Innocence and transparency acquire a virtue not readily understood in the ordinary world, and themselves become keys to the Grail castle.

I spent all summer up there, composing, filming, meditating and communing, and “Calvary Hill” emerged as a collection of treasured songs for me, containing all my newly-discovered Grail secrets. In Hungary there is also a folk-duo called Hungarikum Együttes who’s courtly, chivalric brand of timeless medieval folk songs tinged with blues, completely captivates me. It is Grail music, where Atlantean Celt meets Occidental exoticism! Anett sings, and Géza supports her with mandolin and classical guitar. She is the ballerina and he the male lead. I befriended them, and Géza plays mandolin, guitar, recorder and mouth-organ on “Calvary Hill”… something wonderful on each track!

It’s winter now, and I’ve come down from the mountain, and am back living in my adopted city, where creative collaborations and spiritual adventures continue apace. It is my great joy and honour to share these songs with you now.

~ Asha, January 29th, 2017

And from the lyrics…

Because you loved me
I could love myself
Because you kissed me
I could feel my life
Because you wanted me
I could purify
Because you touched me
I could touch the sky
                   ~ ’Because you loved me’

When I was a King
I had a kingdom
There was a flow
And there was a rhythm

I mapped the stars
And I charted the oceans
I wrote a book of prayer
And songs of devotion

And I had no doubt
And I had no fear
I was immovable
When your love was near…

But now I’m broken
                   ~ ‘Broken’

I can feel your sweet heartbeat
So rapid and true
I can feel that you ask me:
“Is it you? Is it you?”

Shall we do this together?
Shall we brave every ill?
Shall we start our Grail journey
Up on Calvary Hill?
                    ~ 'Calvary Hill’

Things are happening
I can’t explain them
Even to myself
It’s a mystery
But since you left me
Through the hurt
Through the hurt
There’s something else
That’s come into my heart
Something else…

And it gathers
Through the hurting
Through the hurting
It gathers more
The more I hurt
The more I love
Like nothing
I’ve ever felt before
                       ~ ‘Hurting’

The night is long
Where do I belong?
My shepherdess she brought me here
But now she’s gone

What doth Thou wish of me?
I surrender to Thee
I’d take Thy pain if I could
To set love free

Jesus come to me
Jesus come to me…
                 ~ ‘Jesus come to me’

Well my good friend the doctor
And my good friend the law
They told me there weren’t any angels
And then one flew in through the door

Never give up
And never you die
And no-one nor nothing
Can make you cry
‘Cos there’s an angel by your side
                    ~ ‘Never give up’

Pray, pray, pray like a mountain
Be immovable
Be majestic
Touch the earth and reach for the sky
Pray like a mountain
Pray like a mountain 
Pray like a mountain
Be mighty and high…
                     ~ ‘Pray like a mountain’

Never doubt me, my love
As I do not doubt thee
Nought can come between us
Love is our sanctuary
We made a vow to be true
And we shed blood to make it through
’Twas your secret beauty
That led me to you
                    ~ ‘Secret beauty’

This mountain has a message
I heard it call to me
Two thousand years ago or more
When you loved me

I want to learn God’s language
And play God’s symphony
I’m just a guy with an old guitar
So please forgive me

But there’s more to it than that
There’s an ancient echo in our souls
We all of us go down to the river
To be anointed with the oil

That’s what brings renewal
That’s what brings the fire
I love the smell of the sweet wood-smoke
And the song of my guitar
                            ~ ‘Sweet wood-smoke’

I see the unseen world in you
And I hear your unsung song
I love the way you live your life
And the way you try to belong

Honey, please don’t take this the wrong way
I know you’ve long since started again
But I don’t want to hide these precious things
‘Cos to me it’s very plain

I see the Jesus in your faith
And Mary is all around you in blue
I see the unseen world in you
I see the unseen world in you…
               ~ ‘Unseen’

The feathers of the eagle
Bring the message of the sun
And the ribbons of my rainbow
Have all come undone
The saviour wasn’t saved until he bled
Now a sword lies between us in our bed
A sword lies between us in our bed

Who are you?
Who are you?
                  ~ ‘Who are you?’